Sharing the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. . . .

When I became a consultant with Close To My Heart, I was taught that sharing was the key to success and truthfully it has been. My enthusiasm and love for these products and this company is genuine and easy to share. And honestly, those two things have not diminished in any way I’m just having a harder time sharing these days. Hopefully you’ll understand as you read on. Let me start by saying that my life—the good, the bad and the ugly—has pretty much always been an open book. I figure whatever I’ve gone through someone else has likely “been there—done that.” Or, if not yet, they probably will. I’ve tried to set aside the humiliation or embarrassment for my mistakes and faults and share those too because, for the most part, I know we are pretty much all the same. Human, right? So with that, I’d like to share a little more that may (or may not) help some of you understand what has happened with me over the last year or so. Almost 3 years ago, I had a bladder/hysterectomy/rectal surgery. Afterwards, I felt amazingly great. Even after a second bladder surgery, I felt fine. But sometime in the last year and a half, I started feeling . . . not so fine. I couldn’t/didn’t put my finger on it. I really didn’t know what my problem was: I was forgetful, apathetic, I cried very easily (not something new for me but definitely more often.) Most days I tried to ignore it and just get on with life as best I could. I chalked some of it up to some marital issues (that had been going on for a long time) but what I was honestly feeling was a strong sense of being overwhelmed and my reaction was to avoid. Avoid, avoid, avoid! Well, my life is crazy busy, like the rest of the world, and avoiding “stuff” then lead to feelings of guilt and many times, anger. And I just began to close myself off even more. Was it age, was it my marriage, was it my lack of faith? I thought, and still think, I was doing some of the right things; getting closer to God, asking for prayers, working on my marriage. But still I was taking things out on my son, (the hardest thing for me to admit right now), and avoiding more and more, crying a lot, yelling, and feeling more and more guilty and depressed. Recently, I got a wake-up call! I’d had a tiny, little disagreement with my husband (not even close to the kind that usually sends me right into orbit) and my thoughts turned to things like: “They’d all just be better off without me. How much money would my son get in insurance and, “no one really cares whether I’m alive or not.” In those moments, my feelings seemed reasonable. A few hours later, it was a little scary and a day or two later, when I finally admitted those feelings to a friend, and with her help, I realized I probably needed help. Well, I am getting help. Apparently, it’s mostly about the hormons and will take a little while to fix. I don’t like the process but (so far) I’m trying to trust it. I’m seeing a great “female” doctor who has me on some medication (something I swore I would never do) and honestly have to admit, I’m feeling more “normal.” And I share all of this to let all of you know, that I have not given up on you, or Close To My Heart, or even my life. I just need your help, your understanding, your patience and even your efforts if possible. I know the economy has turned all of our spending habits upside down and my CTMH business has slacked considerably. I’m only sad about that as it means I don’t get to see or visit with all of you. I truly MISS all of you and would welcome your calls, thoughts and prayers whether you order anything or not. And if you are still with me (God bless you, lol!) it’s always been very hard for me to reach out to people for “help.” I’m the helper, I’m the teacher, I’m the one that shares! But now, even that is hard for me to initiate. So I’m hoping you will all reach out to me if you need me. Please don’t feel like that would add more stress or burden. I’ve been saying lately, “I need to be needed.” I feel that more now than ever before. I love you all. God bless.